#16 - "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

#15 - "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

#13 - "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 - "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 - "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 - "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 - "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 - "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 - "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

#6 - "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 - "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 - "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 - "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 - "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

The envelope please..................... AND THE WINNER IS....

#1 - "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."